Father gains access to 19-year-old daughter’s bank account and monitors her expenses, she opens a secret account in response: ‘I had never felt more free financially’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Oct 26, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

When you were a kid, you didn't question the fact that every decision you made had to go through your parents first. You couldn't just go into an Apple Store and buy yourself the iPhone 18. Not only did you not have that much cash on you to do that, but you also had to have your parents' permission and support to do so, which everyone can agree is very understandable.

In time, however, you become more and more independent. You start working and earning your own money, and you get to decide what you want to do with it without having to run it by your parents first. You go out with friends, buy yourself lunch, or go shopping like a full-grown adult, and for your teenage self, that feels great. There are so many kids, however, who don't experience that independence. They have to deal with parents who demand to stay in control of every aspect of their lives, including their finances. They would go so far as to monitor their bank accounts, just like this father did to his 19-year-old daughter. She is practically an adult, yet she still needs to deal with a dad who takes money out of her account and asks her about every expense she makes. Every step of her financial journey, he's there, watching.
 

The daughter started to feel so controlled that she decided to open a secret bank account that her father couldn't touch. He eventually found out about it, and the aftermath wasn't pretty…

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  • AITA because I opened up a secret bank account my dad didn't know about?

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    Man looking at banking information on his phone
    via Jacob Lund

    Man looking at banking information on his phone.

    Stock photo unrelated.

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    For context, I am a 19 y/o female who is a sophomore is college and my dad is a 52 y/o male who grew up broke pretty much all his life.
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    However, when i was 11 my parents ran into some money when a family member d. d.
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    Which lead us to be pretty well off financially. Idk if this is useful info but maybe it can help give perspective.
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    I started working regularly when I was 15 because that's when I had to start paying for things on my own.
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    My dad helped me open my first bank account when I was 16, but he made it where he could view my account on his
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    Which I understand that he needs to monitor what I may buy, but he took it too far.
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    I would ask for gas money and he would pull up the bank app and show where I bought coffee for myself or a charge at a restaurant from when I went out
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    to eat after a ball game. (btw I only worked about once a week because I was an athlete and heavily involved in school.
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  • It's clear that this young adult cares about her father and tries to appreciate what he's done for her all these years, but he makes it feel impossible. He needs to learn to let go of the control and let her go through life and make her own decisions, especially financially. 

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    So yes I had money but not as much as a regular part-time worker) Him checking my transactions became a habitual.
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    He began just randomly dropping it at dinner or when I would walk in from practice.
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    He would ask me if the "coffee shop went up in prices" or "what in the world was $30 at Target." He has never really respected privacy but this was a
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    type of invasion that was completely new. I stopped putting money in my bank account and started carrying cash so he couldn't track what I spent.
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    I kept spare money in the top of my closet in a shoe box. But when I started college I had to put it into my account because I didn't trust leaving it
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    at home. He freaked out when I put a little over $1,000 dollars in my bank
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    19-year-old daughter using ATM behind father's back.
    via Ahmed

    19-year-old daughter using ATM behind father's back.

    Still frame for contextual reference only.

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    He felt like I was hiding things from him and asked what I had been buying with my "secret money." After the cycle continuing my freshman year of
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    college. Except then he would call me instead of lecturing me in person. He went through a phase where he would take money out of my account (since
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    was an authorized user) for a few days then put it back. Sometimes it was up to $2,000.
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    Rarely he would add a little bit more money after he put it back ($50-100). I was never sure why he did this.
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    Once summer started, I got a job I secretly opened a bank account and would deposit every other check in that account.
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    I had never felt more free financially. I could go buy a cup of coffee without knowing I would get questioned about it later.
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    But then my dad found out about it. He found my other debit card in my wallet.
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  • As the daughter of a banker and an accountant, I was always raised to make good financial decisions. Ever since I was 10, I knew the difference between a savings account and a current account. My parents taught me how to budget and what to do with money I save. 
    And when I turned 18, they let me march into the real world with all the tools they had given me, and face the world on my own. If you ask me, that is how parents should act. Nothing is gained by micromanaging your kids and refusing to let them make their own mistakes. And parents who can’t understand that will learn that the hard way when their children reach a boiling point and cut them off completely, just as this daughter will do sooner or later.

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    (Idk why he was in my wallet or what he was looking for?) He brought it to me and needless to say, he was livid.
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    And he asked when I opened the account and demanded he be added to it. Obviously I told him no because I am almost 20 and I didn't need
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    watch how I spend my money anymore. He tried to cut up my card and take my car keys but I left the house and I am staying with my sister atm.
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    So AITA for hiding this bank account from him? What should I do?
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Tags

finance parenting family daughter money college Father young adult
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